We’ve been relatively quiet here at the Dorkside about Nintendo’s successor to their hugely popular Switch console because frankly, until 6am this morning there just wasn’t a whole lot to say about it. Like any other upcoming release that gets nerds all worked up, there was plenty of speculation, rumors and theories as to what we could expect to see from the new console. But I’m the kind of guy who wants stone cold facts before I start letting my cheese flap in the wind. So now here we are, Nintendo pulled back the curtain with a presentation this morning revealing the release date, launch titles, new hardware features and all kinds of other goodies that has yours truly crunching the numbers for just how much money is gonna go bye bye on June 5th. I was up pretty early to catch all of the announcements and decided to bullet point my thoughts in real time for your enjoyment.

And at just over 60 minutes, this presentation is a big one so let’s have a looksie, shall we?

I guess I couldn’t let our Dorkside’s 2024 Freddy ‘Fest (*tm) thing go by without bringing this up now could I? A Nightmare on Elm St. for the Nintendo Entertainment is a great, *cough* wonderful, *choke*…I mean, it’s a game that has been lumped in with LJN’s notorious track record of poor 8-bit releases based on movies. Only this one has the odd distinction of having been made by Rare; That’s right, the developers responsible for such stone cold classics as Donkey Kong Country, Goldeneye and the almighty Banjo-Kazooie are to blame for this one.

Please don’t make me play it again.

In the last Nintendo Direct there were plenty of software announcements to get excited about but the one that had the hairs on the back of my hairs stand up was one reveal in particular: A collection of classic Capcom developed arcade games featuring both their own internal characters as well as Marvel IP was miraculously on the way. Now, I have no idea how many legal hoops needed to be jumped through in order for this to happen; but to say that this is truly a huge deal for any fan of fighting games as well as both companies would be the definition of an understatement. And now it’s here.

I’m taking breaks from writing this to play it right now.

Anyone who grew up in the NES/SNES days can attest that games based on licensed properties were with very few exceptions, notoriously awful. But this never took away from their allure, an undeniable curiosity would set in begging the question: Don’t you want to play the movie? Jurassic Park was one of those titles that I never had the chance to check out during it’s 16-bit heyday, but thanks to my SNES Classic which has had a few *cough* modifications *cough*, the other night I decided to finally have a go at it. The idea was to drink a ton of beer and with the help of a gamefaqs walkthrough, attempt to complete the entire game in one sitting.

The post which you are about to read is an account of the tragedy which befell me. It is all the more tragic in that I was drunk.

Back in the summer of ‘89 you couldn’t flush the toilet without seeing a bat symbol. The colorful old 60’s series was playing in endless rotation, action figures, logo covered t-shirts and ball caps were standard issue for grade-schoolers across the country and that smokin’ hot Prince chick was doing the bat-dance nonstop on MTV. I was only 9 years old at the time and needless to say, took Batman any way I could get him. I only managed to see Tim Burton’s first crack at the character in theaters once that Summer (for my Birthday) but went on to tell tales out in the schoolyard the following September of having never blinked once during the entire run-time. Back then even more so then now, the Dark Knight was a huge deal not just to me but the human race as a species. So a video game based on what at the time seemed like the biggest goddamned movie ever was a no-brainer and for the most part Sunsoft did a good job. Batman for the NES delivers fast paced action with tight controls, great music and solid level design.

Even though for the most part, it doesn’t really have all that much to do with the actual movie.

Neo Turf Masters (also known as Big Tournament Golf) is a fantastic slice of pure, pick up and play heaven that was unleashed upon arcades around the world in 1996. Brought to us by the makers of the beloved Metal Slug, Turf Masters shockingly accomplishes the seemingly impossible: It not only makes golf fun but also…yep here we go, I’’m gonna say it…”Cool.” Cleverly approaching a sport that otherwise wouldn’t seem like a natural fit in any way to the arcade format, the developers have successfully delivered an inspired, fast paced, action experience.

You guys, this is a real good one.

With the 7th anniversary of the Nintendo Switch approaching, a lot of nerd palms have begun sweating more than usual in anticipation of the console’s inevitable successor. This means you’ll likely see plenty of retrospectives popping up here and there looking back at all of the great games that have released for the hybrid over the last now near decade. And while there are of course plenty of top shelf first and third party titles to praise, in this series let’s look back even further. Having gone through and selected some personal favorite arcade ports, I’ll be spotlighting some true must haves for anyone who misses the old days of having their sneakers stuck to God knows what on those outer space themed carpets.

Welcome to the first installment of Arcade Archaeology!

Let’s take a moment to soak this in, shall we? Here we are now in 2024 with a retro review of an 11 year old high definition remake of a 21 year old game. And one that is still tethered to Nintendo’s Wii U console, a system that somehow feels more ancient than the GameCube. And for unknown reasons that still manage to baffle, this cel-shaded installment in the series still has yet to make the leap over to the Switch. I mean, the godawful New Super Mario U has a port, so what the deuce you guys? What’s the fucking gosh-darn hold up?