Nintendo Switch ARCADE ARCHAEOLOGY: Neo Turf Masters (1996) P.S. I Love You
Neo Turf Masters (also known as Big Tournament Golf) is a fantastic slice of pure, pick up and play heaven that was unleashed upon arcades around the world in 1996. Brought to us by the makers of the beloved Metal Slug, Turf Masters shockingly accomplishes the seemingly impossible: It not only makes golf fun but also…yep here we go, I’’m gonna say it…”Cool.” Cleverly approaching a sport that otherwise wouldn’t seem like a natural fit in any way to the arcade format, the developers have successfully delivered an inspired, fast paced, action experience.
You guys, this is a real good one.
You choose your character from the outset by focusing on their various handling abilities (think Mario Kart), or if you’re perhaps feeling progressive based on culture/gender.
Ok so maybe strike that last part.
Featuring at the time state of the art graphics that showed off not only fully digitized characters but Mode-7 type landscapes, this game still more than holds up as visually very compelling; especially after 6 or 7 IPA’s. There are four 18-hole stages to choose from upon pressing start: U.S.A., Germany, Australia and Japan.
And they’re all fantastic in their own dynamic approach to fairway design. I mean, just look at that screenshot above. How the hell is this guy gonna cross that waterfall to sink a birdie and not settle for par or (God forbid) bogey?
But y’know, sometimes that aforementioned wind factor really likes to stick it in and break it off, what can ya do. That being said, the mechanics here really are very simple: There are two streaming dials to focus on located at the bottom right corner of the screen. One for the strength of your shot and the other for a low/high approach. This default system places you in the most ideal position but it’s important to read wind variations as well as gauge the natural landscape (hills, rough, etc.) to angle your swings appropriately. Ya gotta pay attention to this stuff as it’s entirely possible to blow a good night’s sleep sweating over how you blew a -6 lead wondering where the fuck that tree came from. You’re allowed to rotate between various types of clubs and putters with any given shot using up and down on the cross pad but I really have no idea what the differences are and honestly, the game kinda does it for you. The real key to a successful run is sorting out the various slices you can accomplish via left/right adjustments by way of said D-pad while paying attention to the wind patterns. This is beginning to sound kind of complicated I guess but it’s not I swear!
In addition to the addictive mechanics there’s just so much character on display here. The little in-between cinematics are weird, yet endearing and along with lots of audio treats, it all stacks up to create an experience that is completely unique and most importantly: FUN. Because I mean c’mon, what kind of pose is that? It’s like he’s saying “Oh, was that PAR?”
Fun gameplay taken into account, the primary draw with Turf Masters is atmosphere. Embedded above is my favorite track taken from the Japan course, which I feel plays like a sonic time capsule to a formative era spent eating pizza nonstop and hanging out at the arcade inside of Pacific Bowl in Stockton, CA (go Trojans) well past my non-existent curfew. In fact, press play on that sucker and let it hang in the background while you read the rest of this post and you may find yourself having a hard time turning it off. It just slaps an insta-grin across my face that is hard to shake and in my opinion is some lo-fi time travel.
But the truly best part about this game? Once you’ve downloaded it onto your Switch, you’ll never have to think about inserting any pesky quarters into an arcade cabinet you’ll probably never find.
Now somebody tell this guy to put a shirt on already, sheezus.
