REVIEW: Alien Romulus (2024) “I'll Volunteer to be the First Nerd to go out.”
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a massive fan of the Alien franchise. And anyone who knows that, knows how much I dislike the majority of installments in the series. This isn’t by any means an unpopular opinion: It’s generally agreed upon that no sequels following the legendary 1-2 punch of Ridley Scott’s Alien and James Cameron’s Aliens have come remotely close to hitting those cinematic heights. So now 45 years after first encountering that infamous xenomorph comes the 6th sequel to the original masterpiece: Alien Romulus (no, I’m not counting the AVP films, I’m not some pedantic nerd). How does it compare? Is it another in a long line of disappointing misfires? Does it reclaim the flavor we love so much of the original 2 movies and get this thing back on track? Does it annoy you when people ask questions only to immediately answer them themselves? The answer to all of that is “yeah, kinda!”
Let's get this out of the way: I didn’t walk out of the theater contemplating the pros and cons of long term prison time the way I did after Prometheus, but I was still overall pretty disappointed. The movie begins with a very strong premise and a sympathetic set up for our main protagonists and it wasn’t long before I was settling into my seat feeling reassured that the movie was in good hands. Little catch it or you’ll miss it touches here and there were knowing winks to longtime fans. The movie takes it’s time establishing this new young group of characters. And most importantly, the overall tone felt just right: A looming inescapable melancholic dread permeating the corner of every frame.
I was genuinely loving it during that first act, totally shocked that this was actually happening. Was an Alien movie that had the audacity to set itself in the timeline between those first 2 iconic achievements actually doing the seemingly impossible? Living up to them and now establishing a true trilogy? That answer is sadly a big nope.
So what shifted? What was the big problem that flat out killed all of that initial good will? Well, I'm trying to keep this as spoiler free as possible but for me the momentum ended with the return of a familiar face from the first film full stop. It's another poor example of computer generating a dead actor and from that point on, every story beat felt wrong and worst of all, predictable. What had been a series known for taking big creative swings with action, philosophy, plot twists and body horror was now operating off of the most basic of scary movie templates. Alien Romulus essentially turns into a xerox copy of the original movie's premise. 2 hours of a haunted house in space boilerplate, ending in a truly miscalculated return to one of the franchise's most notorious final acts. Color me baffled with that choice.
I suppose it was inevitable that something like this happen now 7 installments in but I never expected an Alien movie to feel so stock. What we have here is an experience that's operating like a Friday the 13th sequel, everything is just too familiar to be scary or exciting. But at least that (ironically) 12 part series was never afraid to get weird. This one right here thinks it's getting weird but so much of it is stuff we've already seen though and either done much better, or we didn't like it the first time.
In the end, Alien Romulus looks like an Alien movie and sounds like an Alien movie, but it doesn’t feel like an Alien movie. What we have here is an experience that lands closer to hopping on Alien: The Ride or playing Alien: The Arcade Game; many of the greatest (and even some not so hot) moments from the franchise get touched on at one point or another, but it’s an at best optional addition to the lore.
Still, the evening wasn’t a total loss. Being a Dad now means that any time free to do my thing is something to enjoy to the fullest and it was a lot of fun to just get out of the house and go to the movies. I caught an IMAX screening on Thursday night and was surrounded by people all looking for a good time and that feeling was palpable and infectious. Yapping it up with strangers about what you hope to see, talking about your favorite scenes from the previous films, y’know….just being fans together.
The theater I went to was even handing out these sweet little Weyland-Yutani patches the moment they scanned your ticket…c’mon that’s fun. What I was really hoping for was getting my hands on one of those awesome popcorn buckets but I guess that was a different chain. I did manage to score something just as cool though…
Hitting the bar, there were little promo cards for both an Alien themed mix drink and this awesome Alien Romulus ceramic mug. Now If there’s one thing that really hits me hard in the nerd areas, it’s a collectible cup of some kind and this was impossible to resist. I’m already thinking of using it as a dead flower vase Halloween decoration because you know that shit is right around the corner!
Let's wrap this up with a little food analogy: Say Ridley Scott's original is the best pizza you've ever had. I love pizza, I'm sure you love pizza, who doesn't love pizza? It's something to return to again and again. And then James Cameron buys the restaurant and turns it into a damn buffet, everything you can ever want anytime you want it. Then he sells it off and it winds up becoming a chain with naturally diminishing returns. Not even Ridley Scott himself eventually returning to guide the joint is able to capture what we loved from the get go. It’s just too far gone at this point. We eventually find ourselves here. Now it isn't really even pizza anymore, we've arrived at pizza flavor.
Alien Romulus is the pizza flavored pringle of the Alien franchise. I'll eat it, but it's little more than a faint reminder of the real thing.
